one more reason to love conor oberst

aren't you glad you don't have to deal with me in public, like my poor friend dana? ;)

dearest conor oberst: please stop being such a cute boy genius and turning me on with your schmexy scrawny boy genius ways.

conor can't help but tempt me in naughty, delicious, torturous ways, which is obviously why he teamed up with fellow schmexy genius boys m. ward, jim james, and mike mogis to create the masterpiece of fan-fucking-tasticness that is this band:

monsters of folk (in all their sexy folk glory)

instead of doing my homework, or other productive things on my 'fucking do this shit, like yesterday' list, i'm eating ice cream and drooling over this lovely album, just released yesterday, for the sole purpose of tugging on my cold black hearstrings.

OH. did i mention that the gorgeous miss m and i have tickets for the monsters of folk show on october 21? *shit eating grin*. it should be noted here that there is no one on this beautiful planet that i'd rather see this show with. my skin tingles just thinking about it. *does cartwheels*

in twilight related news (because we all know that a large chunk of my world is consumed by all things twilight), the radiant screen writer goddess diablo cody made my evening with this little twitter gem:

dear ms. cody: *high five* awesome twat! (i really just like having an excuse to say TWAT).

i had a lot to talk about

but then i started drinking fat tire.

and it was all downhill from there.

in spite of my moderately tipsy state, there ARE a few really important things that i need to get off my chest.

first, i got new shoes. i love them so much, i'd definitely have sex with them if i didn't think it would be painful. but i'm guessing it would be kinda painful. sharp objects and my hoo-hah don't really get on very well. at any rate, they are probably the prettiest things i've seen since rob pattinson's (porn worthy) jaw and expertly tousled (sex) hair.

second, i happened upon a monstrosity in my mailbox recently: a new issue of "entertainment earth", with a lovely cover photo of the soon-to-be-released and highly anticipated edward and bella barbie dolls from none other than the anorexic propaganda machine itself, MATTEL! oh, HEAVENS! how exciting! WELL, at first, it was a glorious sight. my face, well, i'm pretty sure it lit up like a fucking christmas tree. instant replay:

(don't you wish your girlfriend was HOT like me? DON'TCHA?)

i'm a little ashamed to admit this, but i pre-ordered these barbie dolls about 3 or 4 months ago. no, i'm not kidding. and i didn't just pre-order the set of two. there's a special edition set that comes in a case, with two edwards and one bella. nope, still not kidding

be gentle with me. i still struggle with the fact that i fronted my hard earned cash for mattel products. further, i can't remember any point in my life when i had the desire to purchase or own a barbie doll. in fact, i used to pop their heads off when i was just a wee girl. my friends did not appreciate this. then, in high school, i took a bunch of barbie heads (can't remember where i got them. i was probably high when i did this, so that would explain why i can't remember where the fuck they came from) and gave them punk/new wave haircuts (with mod podge and glitter and markers), and then i hung them from my ceiling with push pins and fishing line.

like i said, there's a 98.43895743% chance that i was high when that went down.

anyway, when i got over my initial hissy fit of epic proportions, my face slowly contorted into something that looked a lot like this:

what in the FUCK is wrong with edward's face? what? you need a close-up, you say? no problem. happy to oblige.

this is not the face of my edward cullen, the hot vampy mess that gives me wet dreams. W.T.F. mattel, you done us dirty. DIRTY. DIR-TY.

and bella, you ho, the zipper on your jacket is bigger than your waistline.

dear mattel: suck my left tit (it's the one with the nipple piercing. 'cause the other one fell out.)

CHEERS!

right wing parenting FAIL

"you brain-washing, democratic, scary black president, how dare you tell my sweet republican four-year-old to stay in school! my trust fund baby doesn't take orders from a DEMOCRAT!"

dear shanneen barron (mom #1): first of all, you have elf ears. you should cover that shit up on national television. i'm just sayin'. second of all, what? stop crying. DRAMA RAMA. how old are you? twelve? p.s. your husband totally laughed at you when you started crying. HAHA!

dear uptight j.crew tshirt mom (mom #2): you look tense. go smoke a blunt. your husband just looks mute. he's probably scared to talk. you should let him hit that blunt a few times.

in my humble (but very brazen) opinion, these women are a little trashy, very narrow-minded, extremely controlling, and dare i say, DRAMATIC.

i don't really fucking care who you voted for. in fact, let's just say, for the sake of remaining neutral in this post, that i didn't vote for obama OR mccain. i voted for jesus. and satan. because they're the only ones who can save us now. for reals.

the most disturbing aspect of this entire uproar from conservative right wing parents is that their very emotional political opposition to the president is posioning their children. god forbid you'd teach your child to process information and form an educated opinion of their OWN. oh no no, better to make them drink your kool aid (whatever flavor it happens to be). why stop at withholding your kid from school? how about you hoof it down to the library and burn all the books you don't like.

this comes down to your child's EDUCATION. this isn't about politics. i believe the intent of the president's speech was to encourage kids to stay in school and be upstanding citizens. i don't know, maybe there was a secret hypnosis session after the speech that i'm not privy to, where obama spoon fed his position on complicated political issues to the little tots. in that case, well, that's just creepy.

finally, you know what REALLY makes me want to punch these people in the throat? they are teaching their children how to hate and pass judgement without merit. they are furthering the disgusting, senseless political divide that separates the world and fuels wars and greed and other nasty things.

EPIC PARENTING FAIL.

but i bought you beautiful dresses/you pretty thing

one of my favorite pj harvey songs. whenever i hear it it's hard to resist stomping/spinning around in circles in some kind of freaky tribal dance. or having a seizure (to the beat, of course). perhaps this has something to do with my pure lust for the song, but there's something about putting on a new dress (or an old dress with which i have a fierce love affair) that makes me feel like i could probably kick chuck norris's ass. that's sayin' somethin.

i bought this one on a whim the other day, and i think i like it because it makes me feel like punky brewster. and because it reminds me of the twilight cast and all of the fucking plaid they ALL seem to be wearing lately. weird. secretly, i like to pretend it's made out of the same fabric that rpattz's favorite plaid shirt is made out of. not only the same fabric, but the same PIECE of fabric. ya know, like one of these sexy little beauties (thatidlovetoripoffofthatsexymanbody):

photo courtesy of robmyworld.com

ok, clearly, it is not the same fabric. which is why god blessed me with insanity an explosive, creative imagination so i can dream up creepy rob fantasies and shit.

err. this post was supposed to be about dresses (damn you, ROB! you sexy british morsel! *licks computer screen*).

so back to the point.


here are a few lovely gems that i'm desperately hoping to get my grubby little hands on. SOMEDAY. ya know, when i have money. *snort*

bustling avenues dress from anthropologie

storm of shapes dress from anthropologie

walk-a-ways dress from anthropologie

cupcake dress from urban outfitters

sparrows tank dress from urban outfitters



le sigh. LE SIGH. lovely lovely dresses, no?

OH, i almost forgot. you know what goes perfectly with my punky brewster-ish/rob pattinson plaid dress? these fucking peace sign earrings that i snagged at francesca's. oh how i do love an appropriately placed peace sign (like the tattoo on my toe). and oh how i love these earrings!

dear radiohead: everything you do is perfect.

the new radiohead music is making my heart do a lovesick dancey dance and skip around like a hummingbird's wings.

radiohead will always have a rather large chunk of my heart. they are forever embedded in countless memories of mine -- happy ones and terrifying ones and painful ones. all of the important ones. somehow, strange as it sounds, radiohead always seemed to be present in many of those really poignant moments in my past. their music is also intertwined with the most intimate friendships in my life. the first radiohead song that sucked me in and spun me around was "motion picture soundtrack". it was late at night, we slid into taryn's car, and it was the first song that played on the stereo. that track in particular is haunting and gorgeous and scary and hopeful and hopeless all at the same time. the first time i heard it, everything around me kind of just exploded and turned into something different, new, and wonderful. my perspective on everything changed.

radiohead was also usually the background noise for all of our road trips, filled with expectation and conversation. they were also the background noise for silent car rides when we all felt heavy and speechless. the few times that we were fortunate enough to see them live, they painted pictures so vivid in our heads with their music that it felt like we were tripping (even when we weren't).

one of the new tracks, "harry patch (in memory of)", literally makes my skin tingle. "these are my twisted words" makes me want to jump around and dance like an idiot with a ridiculously goofy grin on my face (and that's exactly what i did earlier this evening ;).

i also really, truly, very desperately want to get this shirt for sage (and i will, oh i will!) :

radiohead scribble kids tee

le sigh le sigh le sigh :). looking forward to more new radiohead music. get your fix at radiohead.com

"they're good christian people."

i was at a party the other night, which is always interesting and usually slightly uncomfortable at first (at least until i get an alcoholic beverage in my system OR unless i happen to know most of my fellow partygoers already), and i overheard a comment that sort of drove me banana sandwich (thanks, dane cook. i stole that one from you.) <--- i never know whether to put the period inside the parentheses, or outside. this is one of life's most agonizing drive-me-bat-shit-crazy issues, in my opinion.


anyway, i was observing a conversation between two men who had just met one another at the party, and i heard one guy describe another couple as "good christian people".

time out, time out. i'm sorry, but whattheFUCK does that even mean? i really wanted to ask this guy, straight up, point blank WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?

it should be noted here that i'm no atheist. i'm certainly not a fan of organized religion, but i do consider myself a pretty spiritual person. if you want to take it way back, unfortunately i spent a few years of my primary education in a catholic school. i was also sacrificed baptised catholic (on 4/20, by the way. no joke. you can't make that shit up. i have the baptism certificate to prove it.) i got the feeling pretty early on in my catholic schooling that organized religion just wasn't my cup of tea. perhaps my epiphany occurred in the fourth grade, when my teacher's eyes filled up with hell fire and she snatched my lovely blue rabbit's foot (sorry, PETA) away from me and declared that i was "worshipping a false idol, and that's a sin". bat shit crazy, right?

just so you know where i stand, i'm a tree-hugger-earth-mother-nature-lover kind of spiritual. i find that i feel grounded and open and full of light during meditation, or during a yoga session with one of my favorite yoga teachers.

so, back to the point. since monday night, i've been trying really hard to figure out what "good christian people" means. this little morsel of thought weasels its way into my daily life when i least expect it. i just can't wrap my brain around it. this seems to me like an extremely odd way to describe another person. by "good christians" do you mean the ultra-conservative-gay-basher-i-have-a-giant-stick-up-my-ass kind of christians? or do you mean the cute banana-republic-j.crew-wearing-super-pretty-couple (who are actually swingers during the other 6 days of the week)that you casually see every sunday at your local church?

should i invite these "good christians" to a bible study (if i did that shit)? would it be ok if i invited them out for a night of flaming fun with my gay friends and my i'm-straight-but-i-love-gay-people friends? are these the kind of "good christians" who secretly plot abortion doctor assassinations? i mean, i dunno. i need a little more to go on before i can really make a sound judgement call.

FURTHERMORE, this "good christian people" statement fails to address the most important characteristic of the individuals in my life: are they twilight fans?

moral of the story: "good christian people" falls under the category of "EPIC FAIL" in terms of describing a person's nature. i'm just sayin'.

hot pants

robward is definitely a bonafide panty melter. so i thought i'd design and screen print a new pair of panties with, of course, his face on them. this is probably the closest rpattz will ever get to my ladyparts *sigh*. uber depressing thought. but these panties are awesome. HAHA :).




[ok. confession. these aren't really my new panties. and (unfortunately) that's not really my tanned, toned ass. i used the photo editor template at eff my pic (dot) com to create this little diddy. ]