Thursday, August 20, 2009

"they're good christian people."

i was at a party the other night, which is always interesting and usually slightly uncomfortable at first (at least until i get an alcoholic beverage in my system OR unless i happen to know most of my fellow partygoers already), and i overheard a comment that sort of drove me banana sandwich (thanks, dane cook. i stole that one from you.) <--- i never know whether to put the period inside the parentheses, or outside. this is one of life's most agonizing drive-me-bat-shit-crazy issues, in my opinion.

anyway, i was observing a conversation between two men who had just met one another at the party, and i heard one guy describe another couple as "good christian people".

time out, time out. i'm sorry, but whattheFUCK does that even mean? i really wanted to ask this guy, straight up, point blank WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?

it should be noted here that i'm no atheist. i'm certainly not a fan of organized religion, but i do consider myself a pretty spiritual person. if you want to take it way back, unfortunately i spent a few years of my primary education in a catholic school. i was also sacrificed baptised catholic (on 4/20, by the way. no joke. you can't make that shit up. i have the baptism certificate to prove it.) i got the feeling pretty early on in my catholic schooling that organized religion just wasn't my cup of tea. perhaps my epiphany occurred in the fourth grade, when my teacher's eyes filled up with hell fire and she snatched my lovely blue rabbit's foot (sorry, PETA) away from me and declared that i was "worshipping a false idol, and that's a sin". bat shit crazy, right?

just so you know where i stand, i'm a tree-hugger-earth-mother-nature-lover kind of spiritual. i find that i feel grounded and open and full of light during meditation, or during a yoga session with one of my favorite yoga teachers.

so, back to the point. since monday night, i've been trying really hard to figure out what "good christian people" means. this little morsel of thought weasels its way into my daily life when i least expect it. i just can't wrap my brain around it. this seems to me like an extremely odd way to describe another person. by "good christians" do you mean the ultra-conservative-gay-basher-i-have-a-giant-stick-up-my-ass kind of christians? or do you mean the cute banana-republic-j.crew-wearing-super-pretty-couple (who are actually swingers during the other 6 days of the week)that you casually see every sunday at your local church?

should i invite these "good christians" to a bible study (if i did that shit)? would it be ok if i invited them out for a night of flaming fun with my gay friends and my i'm-straight-but-i-love-gay-people friends? are these the kind of "good christians" who secretly plot abortion doctor assassinations? i mean, i dunno. i need a little more to go on before i can really make a sound judgement call.

FURTHERMORE, this "good christian people" statement fails to address the most important characteristic of the individuals in my life: are they twilight fans?

moral of the story: "good christian people" falls under the category of "EPIC FAIL" in terms of describing a person's nature. i'm just sayin'.


Danielle-lee said...

I love the gay-basher-stick-up-the-ass comment! LOL.
I too was raised Catholic (even confirmed) but consider myself a recovering-catholic. i too am a tree-hugger. i don't get the whole 'good christian people' thing either. I mean, I 'get' it, but what exactly is the *universal* definition of 'good christian people'?? There isn't one!
(Oh, and it's a period outside the parentheses-It always drove me nuts too, but I'm getting APA writing style shoved down my throat in grad school, so I haz smartz. snort!).

Trooper Thorn said...

Isn't a good Christian someone who keeps the party going by turning water into wine when we run out of booze?

yoga ninja mama said...

@trooper: i definitely just sprayed chai tea all over my white blouse when i read that.

you are right fucking on with that one. haha! :D

Anonymous said...

He thinks that singin' on Sunday gonna save his that Saturday's gone