while i can't claim to have any definitive answers to these questions, i do have some opinions to share (i know, you're surprised).
oh wait, i do have one definitive answer to one of those questions. "who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?", you ask? it was probably the bulimic girl. just a guess. (i would know, i used to be one. i ate a shitload of cookies. just sayin'. :::shrug:::)
nothing says "merry christmas" like mommy wars!
why the hell women can't seem to stop attacking one another for trivial shit is beyond me. i'm sure i'm not spewing any words of wisdom here when i say that being a mom is the hardest job anyone could ever undertake. neuroscience? heart surgery? PSHHHHH. CAKE compared to being a mom (here i am reminded of a wonderful gem of a lyric by my dear friend, lil wayne: "i got cake like everyday my birthday". werd. stay gangsta.)
as i said, being a mom is a damn hard job. so here's a radical idea: how about we all support one another and encourage one another instead of cutting one another down for personal lifestyle choices, parenting styles, and other decisions that are really no one else's business? my favorite mommy wars battles are "the formula feeders vs. the breast milk moms" and "the anti-vax moms vs. the pro-vax moms". i'm all for sharing information. i'm certainly behind voicing your opinion, LOUD AND CLEAR. but is it necessary to verbally massacre a working mom who chooses to formula feed because that fits her lifestyle? or because she just doesn't want to breast feed? i have seen hardcore breast baby moms publicly humiliate formula feeding moms over this. i don't think that's necessary, productive, or anyone's business but the mom's and the baby's. and if you get bitch slapped or sucker punched for acting like a first class penis wrinkle, i won't feel sorry for you. you asked for that by vomiting your unsolicited advice/opinion (read: attack) on another mom.
and OH FUCK ME, the vax wars. listen, i don't care what you do. vaccinate, don't vaccinate, partially vaccinate -- it's all good in my book. just do your research, make an informed decision, and stick to your guns. and for the love of god, don't attack the other mom who chose to do something different with her kids. this is SUCH a personal decision and there is compelling research in support of both sides. sometimes you have to agree to disagree and just walk away. unless the other mom directly asks for your opinion, don't flame her. just shut the fuck up. 'cause you're being an ass.
there are a few exceptions to this rule. some mommies are kind of...well, creepy. like the ones who push their political views on their children and don't allow them to form their own opinions. these moms are creeptastic in a big way. exhibit A: the right wing parenting fail. there's no excuse for that shit. sorry. right wing, left wing, no wing, whatever. i love you all. just don't be a dumbass.
finally, the veggie tray conundrum. i can't elaborate much on this. because i finally figured out the reason why i'm always the one who brings the veggie tray. pot luck? veggie tray. school party? veggie tray. new baby? hey, have a veggie tray. death in the family? my condolences...and a veggie tray.
i'll admit it: i can't cook. or bake. and i don't want to poison you by attempting either of those grand feats (well, if i'm being honest, there may be a few of you i'd like to poison).