Thursday, December 17, 2009

mommy wars and veggie trays

ahhhh, life. so full of mysteries. life is riddled with timeless questions, questions that have plagued the collective human mind for centuries. you know, questions like: why are we here? what is the meaning of this thing called life? is reality just a dream? does god exist? what came first, the chicken or the egg? who is my secret santa? who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? who let the dogs out? why the hell do moms attack other moms over stupid shit that's really none of their business? and why the fuck am i always the one who brings the veggie tray to the potluck/party?

while i can't claim to have any definitive answers to these questions, i do have some opinions to share (i know, you're surprised).

oh wait, i do have one definitive answer to one of those questions. "who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?", you ask? it was probably the bulimic girl. just a guess. (i would know, i used to be one. i ate a shitload of cookies. just sayin'. :::shrug:::)

moving on.

nothing says "merry christmas" like mommy wars!

why the hell women can't seem to stop attacking one another for trivial shit is beyond me. i'm sure i'm not spewing any words of wisdom here when i say that being a mom is the hardest job anyone could ever undertake. neuroscience? heart surgery? PSHHHHH. CAKE compared to being a mom (here i am reminded of a wonderful gem of a lyric by my dear friend, lil wayne: "i got cake like everyday my birthday". werd. stay gangsta.)

i digress.

as i said, being a mom is a damn hard job. so here's a radical idea: how about we all support one another and encourage one another instead of cutting one another down for personal lifestyle choices, parenting styles, and other decisions that are really no one else's business? my favorite mommy wars battles are "the formula feeders vs. the breast milk moms" and "the anti-vax moms vs. the pro-vax moms". i'm all for sharing information. i'm certainly behind voicing your opinion, LOUD AND CLEAR. but is it necessary to verbally massacre a working mom who chooses to formula feed because that fits her lifestyle? or because she just doesn't want to breast feed? i have seen hardcore breast baby moms publicly humiliate formula feeding moms over this. i don't think that's necessary, productive, or anyone's business but the mom's and the baby's.  and if you get bitch slapped or sucker punched for acting like a first class penis wrinkle, i won't feel sorry for you. you asked for that by vomiting your unsolicited advice/opinion (read: attack) on another mom. 

and OH FUCK ME, the vax wars. listen, i don't care what you do. vaccinate, don't vaccinate, partially vaccinate -- it's all good in my book. just do your research, make an informed decision, and stick to your guns. and for the love of god, don't attack the other mom who chose to do something different with her kids. this is SUCH a personal decision and there is compelling research in support of both sides. sometimes you have to agree to disagree and just walk away. unless the other mom directly asks for your opinion, don't flame her. just shut the fuck up. 'cause you're being an ass.

there are a few exceptions to this rule. some mommies are kind of...well, creepy. like the ones who push their political views on their children and don't allow them to form their own opinions. these moms are creeptastic in a big way. exhibit A: the right wing parenting fail. there's no excuse for that shit. sorry. right wing, left wing, no wing, whatever. i love you all. just don't be a dumbass. 

finally, the veggie tray conundrum. i can't elaborate much on this. because i finally figured out the reason why i'm always the one who brings the veggie tray. pot luck? veggie tray. school party? veggie tray. new baby? hey, have a veggie tray.  death in the family? my condolences...and a veggie tray.

i'll admit it: i can't cook. or bake. and i don't want to poison you by attempting either of those grand feats (well, if i'm being honest, there may be a few of you i'd like to poison).

that's all i have to say about that. for now.

hey, the next post will be filled with christmas cheer! 

oh. one more thing. my lovely girl left of lost allowed me to grace her gorgeous blog with a guest post today! her blog is beautiful, and quite frankly SHE is beautiful. so get check out my guest post and the rest of her fabulous blog at a little left of lost.


carissajaded said...

First of all, I love you for using the term "penis wrinkle."

Second of all, I think whether you are a mom or not a mom, you should let people live the life they want to live. I am single, have no children, but I still feel sooo irritated at people who try to tell others how to raise their children, how to vote, what they should eat for lunch. People need to worry about their own lives, and care and support others no matter what they are doing.

And also... I agree with you about the cookie jar. I used to have the same problem and ate ALL of the cookies.

mrs. buckster said...

preach it, sister! i 100% agree. like new mamas don't have enough to worry about what with being a mom and all, now they have everyone all up in their business!? oh and ps. you cannot go wrong with veggie trays. they're delish!

Mox said...

Love you! And true that. All of it. And I have a bloggy som-m som-m for you so come on over.

Nothing wrong with a veggie tray, my friend. Ain't no shame in it.

"Miss Shoe Box" said...

Veggie trays are very much appreciated.. Seriously. I would much rather see one of those walk through my door than I had another 'smear-it-on-my-ASS' pan of brownies or cake.. I mean really? It's like a secret war at showers and parties... lets see how many calories we can hide in our dishes so that we can make sure all those bitches we don't like will pack on an extra 20 pounds *coughs50coughs* So yeah, I appreciate a veggie tray because I know that it is a healthier option and it would take a lot of effort to contaminate.
And excuse me on all the parenting bullshit, but people should back the fuck off. I don't think that the tooth fairy should exist. Am I going to be stoned now? Gimmie a break. Everyone has a right to their own opinion...Right or wrong... and I will sing this forever.. LOL.. 'It's Beeeee-U-Teee-Fulll!'

Left of Lost said...

Dude, you are spot on. I can't stand the non-stop attacks about vaccinating, breast-feeding, natural childbirth, stay-at-home or work...blah blah blah. Yeesh.
Also? Thanks for the compliment. You are a sweetie, and pretty beeee-u-tee-full yourself! ;)