Thursday, November 19, 2009

i can't sleep because it's almost time for NEW (FUCKING) MOON!

so, it's 12:41 am. this time tomorrow night, i'll be sitting on the edge of my seat in a theatre making a mental note of the screaming teenies who might get a knuckle sandwich from yours truly watching NEW (fucking) MOON! i had to put the "fucking" in the middle, because it's the best way to illustrate the crack-high-like elation i'm experiencing at the thought of this. i say "fuck" a lot when i'm really excited. true story.

ANYWAY. i can't sleep. which is...not cool, since i have to be up at 4:30 to get myself and sagebug out the door on time and into the wonderful world of reality (which i'm still hoping doesn't really exist. i have this totally plausible theory that all the lame stuff in between the awesome stuff is just a boring dream.)

uhmmm, where was i?

oh yeah. NEW (fucking) MOON!

i've been ready for this shit since the day i was born. this must be the meaning of life, right? it sure as hell feels like it.

i'm a fan of lists, they help me function (and weed out all of the clutter in my brain. believe me, there's a shit ton of clutter in my brain). i make lists for just about everything in my life, and preparing for new moon was certainly no exception. this is serious business, folks.

yoga ninja mama's new moon checklist
  1. movie tickets? check

  2. least douchey twilight related clothing item? check

  3. mild sedative to calm nerves when loud teenagers won't shut the fuck up during the movie? check (mini bottles of jack daniels :)

  4. ipod loaded with twilight and new moon soundtracks for the drive to and from the theatre? check

  5. extra pairs of panties to change into after experiencing multiple orgasms from seeing rob's body on a gigantic screen? check

  6. fangs and bright red contacts? check

  7. pocket edward (mini e)? check

  8. at least one twitarded friend? check
  9. ability to make rational/logical decisions, exhibit age appropriate behavior, and remain calm? non-existent in twilight bubble
  10. sanity? ...what?

i'm ready! bring on the twihard army, complete with massive amounts of squeeing! will we make it out alive? it's anyone's guess. but if i die, at least i'll die in the noble pursuit of rob pattinson related media.


Anonymous said...


yoga ninja mama said...

*yawn* didn't you get that copy of
'creative cursing" that i mailed to you? you're really beginning to bore me. would you mind putting some effort into your insults, for entertainment purposes?

Donna Hashish said...

nice to see that the beatlesmania stock photos of screaming girls came in handy for your new moon rant...


Mox said...

Oh how I love you. Let me give you a run down of activity:

Friday, 8:30pm Bought Twilight.

Friday, 9:17pm Started Reading until Saturday, 3:04am

Slept, or tried to while my panties got soiled with Edward induced girl spooge.

Saturday, 7:21am Woke up, fed ingrate kids, and sneaked reading random pages while pretending to take a shit. 3 times.

Saturday, 1:44pm, Finished Twilight and tried to KICK MY OWN ASS for not buying New Moon. wtf is wrong with you, Mox?

Saturday, 3:35pm Tired as FUCK and planning a trip to the bookstore tonight.

GAH! I wish I could go to the theater with you! Oh, the TWITARDEDNESS! I am heady.

Mox said...


yoga ninja mama said...

@donnahashish: i am going to smack you tomorrow morning at work. and then sick lady gaga on you. because as much as i love her, if that bitch was comin' after me, i'd be fucking scared.

@mox: i love you SO harrrrd!

i sprayed water through my nose when i read "girl spooge". SPOOGE. omg. that's brilliant. YOU'RE brilliant.

i may or may not have made a loud squealing noise (a real noise, not a cyber noise) when i read your play-by-play of falling in love with twilight/edward. just wait. eclipse (the third book) is my favorite. new moon (the book version) made me blubber like a fucking pussy. severe heartfail.

(oh, the movie rocked my panties, also. but the book still pwns the movie.)

:::facepalm::: SO DID YOU GET TO THE BOOKSTORE YET?! :::bounces around like a kangaroo on meth:::

Donna Hashish said...

i happen to LOVE lady gaga!

yoga ninja mama said...

make no mistake, i love her as well. she's brilliant and sexy. but she is NOT a woman i'd want to see coming after me with a chainsaw. or a fucking rolled up newspaper, at that. carol brady coming after me with a chainsaw? sweet, adorable. megan fox coming at me with a chainsaw? *eye roll* *yawn*.

lady gaga, however, different story. i happen to think she's hot and wonderful, but i have a feeling that bitch can go from "sexy creative nymph" to "scary as hell" in about 2.5 seconds, or less. just sayin'. wouldn't want her coming after me. (gaga, i love you!)

Left of Lost said...

I love that you said knuckle sandwich. You are my hero.
Also, I wish I could get into New Moon as much as you. I just have no interest. ::ducks head:: but i still love youuuuu!
ps. Fucking anonymous needs to get a fucking life. Pathetic is going on people's blogs and leaving messages like a fucking TROLL. gah.