but i bought you beautiful dresses/you pretty thing

one of my favorite pj harvey songs. whenever i hear it it's hard to resist stomping/spinning around in circles in some kind of freaky tribal dance. or having a seizure (to the beat, of course). perhaps this has something to do with my pure lust for the song, but there's something about putting on a new dress (or an old dress with which i have a fierce love affair) that makes me feel like i could probably kick chuck norris's ass. that's sayin' somethin.

i bought this one on a whim the other day, and i think i like it because it makes me feel like punky brewster. and because it reminds me of the twilight cast and all of the fucking plaid they ALL seem to be wearing lately. weird. secretly, i like to pretend it's made out of the same fabric that rpattz's favorite plaid shirt is made out of. not only the same fabric, but the same PIECE of fabric. ya know, like one of these sexy little beauties (thatidlovetoripoffofthatsexymanbody):

photo courtesy of robmyworld.com

ok, clearly, it is not the same fabric. which is why god blessed me with insanity an explosive, creative imagination so i can dream up creepy rob fantasies and shit.

err. this post was supposed to be about dresses (damn you, ROB! you sexy british morsel! *licks computer screen*).

so back to the point.


here are a few lovely gems that i'm desperately hoping to get my grubby little hands on. SOMEDAY. ya know, when i have money. *snort*

bustling avenues dress from anthropologie

storm of shapes dress from anthropologie

walk-a-ways dress from anthropologie

cupcake dress from urban outfitters

sparrows tank dress from urban outfitters



le sigh. LE SIGH. lovely lovely dresses, no?

OH, i almost forgot. you know what goes perfectly with my punky brewster-ish/rob pattinson plaid dress? these fucking peace sign earrings that i snagged at francesca's. oh how i do love an appropriately placed peace sign (like the tattoo on my toe). and oh how i love these earrings!

dear radiohead: everything you do is perfect.

the new radiohead music is making my heart do a lovesick dancey dance and skip around like a hummingbird's wings.

radiohead will always have a rather large chunk of my heart. they are forever embedded in countless memories of mine -- happy ones and terrifying ones and painful ones. all of the important ones. somehow, strange as it sounds, radiohead always seemed to be present in many of those really poignant moments in my past. their music is also intertwined with the most intimate friendships in my life. the first radiohead song that sucked me in and spun me around was "motion picture soundtrack". it was late at night, we slid into taryn's car, and it was the first song that played on the stereo. that track in particular is haunting and gorgeous and scary and hopeful and hopeless all at the same time. the first time i heard it, everything around me kind of just exploded and turned into something different, new, and wonderful. my perspective on everything changed.

radiohead was also usually the background noise for all of our road trips, filled with expectation and conversation. they were also the background noise for silent car rides when we all felt heavy and speechless. the few times that we were fortunate enough to see them live, they painted pictures so vivid in our heads with their music that it felt like we were tripping (even when we weren't).

one of the new tracks, "harry patch (in memory of)", literally makes my skin tingle. "these are my twisted words" makes me want to jump around and dance like an idiot with a ridiculously goofy grin on my face (and that's exactly what i did earlier this evening ;).

i also really, truly, very desperately want to get this shirt for sage (and i will, oh i will!) :

radiohead scribble kids tee

le sigh le sigh le sigh :). looking forward to more new radiohead music. get your fix at radiohead.com

"they're good christian people."

i was at a party the other night, which is always interesting and usually slightly uncomfortable at first (at least until i get an alcoholic beverage in my system OR unless i happen to know most of my fellow partygoers already), and i overheard a comment that sort of drove me banana sandwich (thanks, dane cook. i stole that one from you.) <--- i never know whether to put the period inside the parentheses, or outside. this is one of life's most agonizing drive-me-bat-shit-crazy issues, in my opinion.


anyway, i was observing a conversation between two men who had just met one another at the party, and i heard one guy describe another couple as "good christian people".

time out, time out. i'm sorry, but whattheFUCK does that even mean? i really wanted to ask this guy, straight up, point blank WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?

it should be noted here that i'm no atheist. i'm certainly not a fan of organized religion, but i do consider myself a pretty spiritual person. if you want to take it way back, unfortunately i spent a few years of my primary education in a catholic school. i was also sacrificed baptised catholic (on 4/20, by the way. no joke. you can't make that shit up. i have the baptism certificate to prove it.) i got the feeling pretty early on in my catholic schooling that organized religion just wasn't my cup of tea. perhaps my epiphany occurred in the fourth grade, when my teacher's eyes filled up with hell fire and she snatched my lovely blue rabbit's foot (sorry, PETA) away from me and declared that i was "worshipping a false idol, and that's a sin". bat shit crazy, right?

just so you know where i stand, i'm a tree-hugger-earth-mother-nature-lover kind of spiritual. i find that i feel grounded and open and full of light during meditation, or during a yoga session with one of my favorite yoga teachers.

so, back to the point. since monday night, i've been trying really hard to figure out what "good christian people" means. this little morsel of thought weasels its way into my daily life when i least expect it. i just can't wrap my brain around it. this seems to me like an extremely odd way to describe another person. by "good christians" do you mean the ultra-conservative-gay-basher-i-have-a-giant-stick-up-my-ass kind of christians? or do you mean the cute banana-republic-j.crew-wearing-super-pretty-couple (who are actually swingers during the other 6 days of the week)that you casually see every sunday at your local church?

should i invite these "good christians" to a bible study (if i did that shit)? would it be ok if i invited them out for a night of flaming fun with my gay friends and my i'm-straight-but-i-love-gay-people friends? are these the kind of "good christians" who secretly plot abortion doctor assassinations? i mean, i dunno. i need a little more to go on before i can really make a sound judgement call.

FURTHERMORE, this "good christian people" statement fails to address the most important characteristic of the individuals in my life: are they twilight fans?

moral of the story: "good christian people" falls under the category of "EPIC FAIL" in terms of describing a person's nature. i'm just sayin'.

hot pants

robward is definitely a bonafide panty melter. so i thought i'd design and screen print a new pair of panties with, of course, his face on them. this is probably the closest rpattz will ever get to my ladyparts *sigh*. uber depressing thought. but these panties are awesome. HAHA :).




[ok. confession. these aren't really my new panties. and (unfortunately) that's not really my tanned, toned ass. i used the photo editor template at eff my pic (dot) com to create this little diddy. ]

rachelle lefevre's (very PC) "FUCK YOU" to summit, advice for comic con twihaters, and annie tells us where to find vagina padlocks

well, summit, you're a bunch of fuckers!

this is some shady biz, and given the loyalty of the twilight fan base, you may have a few twiriots on your hands. hours ago, rachelle laferve issued an official (and very PC) "FUCK YOU" to summit in response to their (TOTALLY SHADY AND UNEXPECTED) decision to recast her role as "victoria", the twilight saga's sauciest vamp vixen. her replacement? fellow ginger bryce dallas howard. rachelle kept her rebuttal uber classy. i would have gone ape shit and blown someone up. buuuut i guess that's why i'm not famous. here's part of what rachelle had to say:

"This is a story, a theatrical journey and a character that I truly love and about which I am very passionate. I will be forever grateful to the fan support and loyalty I’ve received since being cast for this role, and I am hurt deeply by Summit’s surprising decision to move on without me. I wish the cast and crew of ‘Eclipse’ only the very best.”

the full article can be viewed online at access hollywood.

in less depressing twilight news, NPR bloggerdude glen weldon made my day with his comic con recap and the teeny weeny bit of twihater smackdown he unleashed. it's no secret that there were some disgruntled geekcore comicbook guys (and gals) at comic con who weren't hip to the twilighters. here are a few visual examples of the animosity, brought to you by the hunkiest geeks of comic con!:





OH, FOR THE LOVE OF ROBSTEN, even pattinson pants lady is cooler than you guys! (possibly a bit creepier. but cooler, mos def.)

so, twihater comic book geeks, here's a little piece of advice from comedian paul tompkins (via glen weldon aka NPR bloggerdude):

"Listen, nerds: you are living a graphic novel called GLASS HOUSES."

in other words, i might wear fangs and secretly masturbate to my life size edward cullen cardboard cutout...BUT YOU run around in spandex and super hero capes with light sabers and shit. YEAH. moral of story: don't throw stones in your glass house. NPR bloggerdude glen weldon's article is here: comic-con: the post-mortem.

and, finally, because my awesome, stinky, hyperactive three year old needs a bath like NOW, i leave you with this facebook-conversation-gem between myself and my friend arkansas annie:

arkansas annie: i have padlocked my uterus for safekeeping.

yoga ninja mama: where can I get a uterus padlock?

arkansas annie: where do we get everything in arkansas? WalMart. Next to the DIY abortion kits and cat food.

- yoga ninja mama

sage eats brownies and pocket edward is a kilt lifter (come on, you knew that!)

so, instead of heading over to my old apartment (the one i shared with ex douchey douchebag) to collect the remainder of my books and dvds, i'm procrastinating and doing this instead. this is much more fun (and less sweaty, since it's about 110 degrees here in phoenix, and the air conditioning is turned off in the old apartment.)

highlights of the past week:

1. i've trained (*cough*twilightbrainwashed*cough*) my three year old so well that he routinely asks me throughout the day, "where is edward cullen?" "where is bella?" "can i play with them?" score one for twilight moms/team edward.

2. i finished my summer semester of school with all A's, and i'm relieved of academic duties until the fall semester starts. woo!

3. i've been reading "wide awake". OH YES. the holy grail of twi fan fic sank its teeth into me and won't let go. and i love it.

4. sage gets so excited over starbuck's double chocolate chip brownies, that i nearly pee my pants every time i mention getting one. i think the kid loves these brownies more than me, his own mama. which just goes to show he is definitely my child. chocolate over family members ANY DAY. duh.

5. pocket edward made his debut at casey moore's on saturday night. it was an event, that's fo sho. he couldn't resist the fat tire bike (poster).

6. it's confirmed, pocket edward is a dirty little kilt lifter (which is just fine by me). evidence below.

7. my friends are probably the coolest people in the world. true story.




gorgeous giggly pants tara o. ordering us some dee-lish pizza to go with our booze!

and, since today was monday, here's my 6am monday morning face, 'cause it pretty much sums up how i felt ALL friggin' day:


eeegaaads!

- yoga ninja mama

wearing assless chaps and reading jane austen

SUH-WEET JESUS. today i got an invitation (on facebook, of all places) to attend my five year highschool reunion.

this is a tough decision, since i loved high school so much. let me deliberate...oh wait, this is easier than i thought it would be. FUUUUUCK NO.

i respectfully declined the invitation. thanks for thinking of me though, class prez. you're a classy broad.

ANYWAY, after i finished my boisterous fit of laughter, i started thinking of all the things i'd rather do than attend my high school reunion. let's have a look, shall we?

things i'd rather do than attend my high school reunion

1. wear assless chaps



2. have sex with shaq (i'm pretty sure his schlong would kill me, or at least cause some serious damage)



3. have sex with the 'leave britney alone' guy




4. set myself on fire




5. eat balut (yeah. nasty.)



6. have my soul sucked out by a dementor



6. wear ugg boots with a mini skirt (or wear them at all.)



etc. etc. etc. it's a long and graphic list. *shiver*


on a completely unrelated note, i started reading jane austen's pride and prejudice yesterday. i'm about halfway through already. let me be honest, i wasn't sure i'd have an interest in reading anything other than twilight, twilight fanfic, or other vampire fiction ever EVER again. some strange miracle occurred the other night at barnes and noble (where i was drooling over rob pattinson pictures and random twilight merchandise) and i ended up walking out of the store with a jane austen novel.

i have several explanations for this: aliens. schizophrenia. hypnosis. voodoo.

even more strange, i really found myself ENJOYING pride and prejudice. i wasn't sure i would be able to get into it, since i distinctly remember hating "the classics" that were shoved down my throat in high school (jane eyre, great expectations, a farewell to arms). but i love p&p. i attribute this mostly to my favorite character in the novel: miss elizabeth bennett. she's one of the only examples of a feminist character that i can remember reading about from jane austen's era. and the only thing i really love more than vampires are feminists. true story.

i do have a confession to make though. as much as i'm enjoying p&p, the only reason i picked up the novel in the first place was because i'm itching to read the zombie version of the novel: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem! (vampires, zombies...i guess i'm not venturing too far from my obsession after all...)